Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
