I heard we made out
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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