Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
