I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
