You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
