She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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