I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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