so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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