you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
