Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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