Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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