i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
