Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
