I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
