Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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