i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
