mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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