I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
