i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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