Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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