somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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