Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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