Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
