Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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