is your mom at the bar?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
two words: eviction party
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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