she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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