I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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