can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
