whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
