Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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