Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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