I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
