my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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