Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
