peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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