my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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