I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dignity is for republicans.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
