So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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