took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
