wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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