I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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