Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
