Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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