Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
