The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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