You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
