went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We talked him into tasing himself.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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