i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize