How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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