I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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