I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
