you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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