remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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