I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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