with your own penis?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You dont lie about slip and slides
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
