I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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