ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
