This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
