While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
