Who wears a wallet chain?!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
