Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
