Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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