you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
