i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
