dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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